Arrogance

This will be brief.

The arrogance that surrounds me grates on my nerves daily. I feel that everyone once in a while needs a nice slice of humble pie whether they are hungry or not. I've always tried to watch my bragging, or level of confidence in terms of how it is expressed towards other people, because I have experienced first hand that after a while, it is just obnoxious. So please, people. Here's your slice, I'm coming around.

No exit

People are hell.

There are no torture devices, no hellfire. People bring out the best in people, and they similarly bring out the worst in people.

I read No Exit. It depicts three people in hell and stuck in a room they cannot escape. There is a brief meeting with a doorman, but other than that, they are on their own. They are all responsible for why they are there, and they all know exactly what they did to earn their place in the room. They committed their separate crimes by their own free will, and now the three are condemned to a love triangle for eternity. That is the hell; that is the torture. The torture is in wanting what they cannot have, and being ruled by people that grate on your nerves. Although all humans constantly need more, and are hardly satisfied in life. They continue to accumulate possessions until they die. People get a taste of it in life, but in hell it is almost unimaginable to think of being locked in a box with people that you shall never escape from. You can never walk away or leave them and never see them again. They will be there beside you always. The torture.

Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder.

As a person, I cry a lot, and I feel a lot. I try not to show it, and I overreact more than I would like to admit. I can become set off my almost anything, but over the years, I've become a master at containing myself and running my patience. Things that some people feel I should overreact about, I don't. For the most part, I'm well-tempered, and few see through to the other side. The fasade at school and for most if not all of my friends is a lot to hold up all of the time. I don't want to seem broken, because I'm not. I'm not a shattered piece of glass that needs someone to come along and put me back together. I'm not saying this to seem like the run of the mill girl who freaks out at a lot, because I don't. I don't enjoy drama, and I don't enjoy making it. I'm not one to do what I shouldn't, and I'm not one to lie. When I say I cry a lot, it is generally because of a movie, book, or a sad story; I just happen to feel it a little more than others. I'm just emotional. If I feel anything to the extreme be it laughing, anger, stress, sadness, sometimes, I just cry. I try I tied for second in the top scores for the emotion test. So instead of concluding that I'm an emotional wreck, I will play the optimist, and say that I am merely in tune with my emotions.

People see you better than you see your self.

My friend brought up mirrors the other day, which got me thinkin.. We don't even see ourselves the way others do. Ever. It's not possible to be watching yourself at every minute of every day to judge. We don't think of ourselves the way others do for the same reason. In pictures, we're already changed; it's already in the past. Done. Over with. We never get a clear image of what we're really like. By the time the brain and the eyes have finished processing what just happened in front of them, time has already moved on without us. Anything we percieved has already happened. What we know as the present is non-existent. It's up to the people around us to see and judge us. They see the best and the worst, since everyone makes mistakes, while often times a person can be blind to mistakes they are making. It's funny how we are taught to know and love ourselves, when our concept of ourselves will always constantly and forever be skewed. We will never get a sense of ourselves in the present, it is physically unachievable. Actions speak louder than words or thoughts. It is up to our actions and our peers to decide. It is impossible for the self.

Rapture.

I finished Bioshock yesterday, a game reeking with morals.

You're first presented with the option of rescuing or harvesting little girls, rescuing gives less for you, but saves them, and harvesting gives more for you, and kills them. My dad was talking about how he harvested his first little sister that he came across, and just felt a little disgusted with himself. I never harvested one, but I'm glad I didn't. It seemed to work out better anyway by the end.

Is it worth it? To have so much power? It always seems that most people are too weak for power, and become consumed by the greed and corruption that surrounds the position. Only occasionally and heroically does someone come along who can handle it, or make the right decision.

The game was filled with a couple intense twists, the more major one about halfway through the game. (Or at least, I thought so.) The end was a bit of a let down, but overall, a wonderful play-through.

It seems that the people who don't have to deal with so much power and pressure are the happiest. Who found a family, love, friendship. Generally, a broken, empty city plagued with gore and insanity isn't mentioned in that list. It's a shame. That the people running such places, are so devout in those beliefs, they can't see themselves. They can't see the horrible things they've been doing, or when to finally quit and take a nap.

Weird. How some people's dreams can just lead to their demise.

Cottleston Pie.

Remember that post about meddling a while back? Hehe..yeah.

I read the Tao of Pooh, and found it to be fantastic. It turns out, those Taoists had the right idea all along. Things are the way they are. Don't meddle, just be.

This reading further encourages my determination to just let things happen. The more you interrupt the natural flow, the more complicated and troubled it becomes. Accept things for what they are. Be grateful. Don't waste time trying to save time, just use it, or else you'll find you've wasted it all attempting to save it. (Ironic, no?)

I found I was often learning just for the sake of learning, to appear smart to others, and not for the benefit that the knowledge would give me, or to give that knowledge to others. I have all this opportunity to learn plenty, and I'm wasting it, retaining it to pass the next test or to rattle it off for a teacher. Granted, some of it, I really don't feel I'll need later in my life, but for the most part, I've been tossing it to the back of my mind (or out of it) without a second thought.

Reiterating, I've stopped meddling. I'm done bottling things up for the sake of prevention. It was ridiculous, and keeping me from being as happy as I could have been. I found that the more I kept to myself, the more I would cry or be angry. Without having to worry about it, the world seems much brighter, much clearer.

Thank you, Pooh. I never could have realized this without you.