What kinda hat would you wear?

My train of thought is much different than a lot of other people. For one, I think more in emotions and pictures than I do in words. I find it hard to stay on topic, or something will always remind me of something else so it's difficult to stay focused for long periods of time if it isn't something I'm interested in. 

 Often enough my mind moves very fast. It goes from one topic to something that would seem completely unrelated... Like a very, very super speedy slide show. (Nice alliteration, no?) 

I can start off thinking about frogs, then think frogs sit on lillypads, to ponds, to swans (who swim in ponds) to The Swan Princess (one of the most hilarious animated films EVER), to magic (since the bad guy turns into the beast in the end), to wands, to wood, trees, to the earth, to leaves and stems, stems to flowers, daisies, that song called Daisy, to love, to holding hands...etc.

Frogs...to holding hands. And some of the connections I make, may not make sense, but in my mind, it is totally logical. I think everyone's like that though in some way. People wouldn't disagree as often if everyone thought the same way. What is logical to one person certainly cannot always be logical to another person. Although I wish there wasn't so much controversy, life wouldn't hardly be as interesting if everyone agreed all the time. Granted, sometimes. I really don't understand what people could be thinking. 

I don't have it.

Today in the middle of my art exam, my teacher came over to me and told me that I needed to work on my sense of color. He told me that I tend to get confused, and that I was going about it in a direction that probably didn't work for my art. That there was a fine line between going realistically and drawing whimsically animated, and due my inexperience as a young artist, I'm still having trouble finding that line. That it seems I'm often really unsure, and that although I would like to have freedom in my work, that maybe it's not time yet. 

Naturally, it threw me for my whole exam. Suddenly, my painting looked all wrong and funny... instinctually, I painted over it. For the last half hour, I frustratedly attempted to do something to make it look better, but everything looked merely clumsy and amateurish.  

I left the exam suddenly feeling very scared and intimidated of art -Like anything I was going to put down on paper was going to come out horrible and wrong. I was even afraid to doodle, something that usually lets me just express myself and not worry. My thoughts felt suddenly confined and boxed because they were beaten and are too afraid to return... Like a forced artist's block. 

After further reflection, and some other frightening rejection anecdotes, I've come to the realization (again), that people learn from their mistakes. Like many others who are knocked down, I must get back up again and move on. As they say, the only way to get better is to practice, practice, practice. 

Girls are the root of all evil.

Girls are complicated. I won't lie. Often we say one thing, mean another. Negatively skew things and are easily insulted. We absolutely need open communication, but terrify those out of honesty. 

I know I always say that honesty is the best policy. When someone tells me they're afraid to tell me because I'll get mad, I'll get mad. I can't help it. I don't like thinking that I'm not approachable in any sort of fashion. Even if I do become upset, it's better to know and work it out, than to hide feelings which only leads to tension later.

I believe strongly in communication. Mostly because when communication doesn't happen, problems tend to occur. So please, just say what you want to say.

Scored Discussion.

I'm not a competitive person. I don't like competing for things. All I find it brings, is ill feelings toward people, over something silly. It's much less stressful for me to just play a game to play the game- Not to focus on kicking the crap out of my friends and reveling in total world dominating bragging rights that may come along with it. 

It's similar for my grade. I had scored discussions (sorry Wilcox) because it's all a competition for a grade. It's based on a curve that starts at the person who has performed the best. There is no real rubric, only competition. Based on the past scored discussion, it relies on who can talk the most and who can bring up the most relevent points. If you aren't an aggressive person, like me, this is difficult. I have plenty  of things to say, but between me and another outspoken person, I have no chance.

  I don't like competing. Especially for my grade. By monopolizing, I earn the resentment of my classmates for not letting them say anything, but a better grade. By not saying anything, I don't interfere with another's grade, but I lower my own. (In this case, my grade immensely depends on this.) Why is this suddenly a moral decision? Is it even? 

Last scored discussion, I walked out feeling most of us had done very well, and talked regularly. There were some who talked more than others, but those people, most of us considered were the monopolizers. Unfortunately, those were the people who got the best grades. I checked my grade, low B. I didn't understand. I've come to the conclusion that to get a good grade, you need to talk a lot. Unfortunately, I'm concerned of mine and others' capability. Is this fair?

This is already a comment, but what the heck.

Someone brought up dressing up to go to church, and I would like to share a small thought about it. 

I think the ultimate point of going to worship, is to worship. It is by no means worrying about whether you're cool-casual outfit is matching your shoes. I suppose some say to dress up is being respectful, or showing respect, but I feel like God (in my case) knows me anyway. If I can pray to him in my pajamas, or in the shower, should it really change for church? 

In the middle ages, when people alike went to church daily, particularly peasants, did they change their clothes to go to church? I doubt it. 

(By the way, I'm not claiming I know knowledge. If someone would like to prove me wrong about that, I'd be happy to humble down.)

My point is, people go to church for their religion. I think something like dressing up shouldn't be an issue about it, or debated.  You can dress up or dress down. It should not matter.

Art it up.

This weekend. I need in essence two projects done by tuesday. As a requirement, I look up an artist every week, and this past week, I came across an artist who was famous for drawing squares. My first instinct was, "How could that be considered art?! I could do that!" 

And then it occurred to me. Art is not something that can be defined in the context I originally remarked upon it as. Art is an expression of the person. It's not something that can be defined by the technicalities or originality. Although, its popularity often largely depends on the accuracy to reality, or sometimes not at all, it's truly about expression of the artist themselves. 

Although I personally would not express myself by making a painting of a black canvas and then being finished, if there was a motive behind that black canvas, kudos. If art doesn't have a motive, I can't help but not consider it art. Something can be considered 'artistic', but for it to be undeniably art, there has to be at least a feeling or thought put into it. 

If you give a cat a cupcake...

Recently, I did my oral presentation on Wuthering Heights, (lovely, no?). It was over how people who are restricted from things they desire, only tend to desire things more. Us as humans started this trend, even at the beginning of time with Adam and Eve. It is natural to never feel satisfied. There is always something we, as people desire, especially something we cannot have.  

Admittedly, it is hard to become satisfied physically or emotionally. Naturally our bodies constantly desire food, water, shelter. To be without it is impossible to survive. You eat regularly throughout the day, because eating only once doesn't satisfy the need. Emotionally, we need love, and I believe some amount of attention. If not, we feel neglected or sad.  We need love, and we need it often. 

Not having what you desire can be draining to someone. It's been proven that when something interferes with an item that we've always had access to, it's only instinct to want and try to posses that item more than before. The more frustrated we become, the more wanting we endure. 

I had a conversation with someone a bit ago about the truly good people in life. That there are few people who do not think me, me, me. It's strange that those people are often those who are satisfied. Who are content with what they have. I find it so interesting how those people achieve that state. Or maybe, their wants and needs are just not as apparent as others or they are not as vocal about it. How do these people get to the point where they don't need to actively show what they want. Or maybe they do, but it certainly doesn't seem that way. 

Perhaps, you find satisfaction when you are not looking for it. This seems near impossible since we all have wants. But perhaps, it's like things you lose. You tear the house apart and find nothing, no satisfaction. And when you aren't on your rampage, you glance over and WOAH. There it is, unexpectedly. Maybe that is house satisfaction works out after all. You just live and let live, and your cat won't need sprinkles on it's cupcake. 

I think therefore I exist?

I think, therefore I am. 

It boggles me to think of other philosophers. That sentence alone proves I exist? Do other things not exist around me? Is it just me? I suppose the mind is powerful enough to create an environment around me, but it's so bizzare to think that way. Who decided that thinking was what decided our existence? 

Is there really no other way to prove our existence? 

Although, I suppose in questioning our existence only proves our existence. You can't question about being tall if you aren't tall. You cannot question being angry if you aren't angry at all. Therefore, following the same line of thought, you cannot question your existence if you do not exist at all. 

I suppose thinking really does prove your existence. 

FAIL

Just a fast note to say...

Procrastination got the better of me. 

I did lots of homework on the last day of break. 

I failed.

Theend. 

Puppets vs. Puppeteers.

About a year ago, my friend and I contemplated whether or not we were destined to meet and be together. 

I told him that I thought so. 

He asked why. 

"God has a plan for all of us, we all have a destiny."  

"So... what about free will?"

I didn't know what to say. We all make conscious decisions in life from small to important, but if we all have a destiny, that would only imply the decisions we make were pre-determined.

After watching the second Matrix movie, Neo meets with the oracle, and he says that she must already know the decisions that he is about to make. The oracle smiles and says yes, but he had to figure out why he made those choices. 

Some people also say, that maybe our fate is only pre-planned to a point which depends on the choices we make. Some people are predictable, which may explain why that is. The choice we make will alter our future. It could have gone one way, but another decision would have changed that. Times are always changing? 

Upon returning to our conversation more recently, I've come to the conclusion that I don't mind if I don't have free will. If all of my decisions were already guessed and planned out in a larger scheme of things, I think it is more important to figure why we make the decisions we do. Bad decisions only teach us to make our better ones later. You couldn't have the good decisions without the previous horrible ones. That's what I think. 

.ha. 

The truest sentence you know.

A challenge that I read and would normally pass off, except for now that my brain has been slightly molded over the past semester, I took the challenge. I almost want to think about it, write my thoughts now, and see if it changes by the end of the year. The end of next year, or the end of my life. A nice adventure, no?

I asked around the people I am around the most and some people I rarely see, and got a variety of answers, including mine:

-People are irrational, but we love.

-There is a statement truer than "all chocolate is good chocolate."

-All is full of love.

-Burnt coffee is the worst smell in the world.

-You can do trigonometry with any triangle.

-A lot of things are truely true.

-Everything is temporary.

-I am an accumulation of my thoughts and actions.

-Nothing technically, since no on really knows if we even exist or if we're mere figments of something else. But homework sucks.

-Do something you love, then everything seems to work out.

It astounds me that people who are around each other so often, and learn the same things can end up giving so many different answers. So often I think we are all so alike, yet we are all so different. You can tell by glancing at the answers which people are logical, and which emotional. It's interesting to me to see that people who I know to be emotional thinkers did not answer with emotions, but with facts, and vis versa. Funny how people defy the common theme from which they are judged as. But people shouldn't be rational, it's less exciting.

Everybody's a Critic.

It's true. Just a short post to say: 

AS HARD AS I TRY, I CAN'T HELP NOT JUDGING YOU. 

I do my best to keep an open mind and look at every situation from your point of view, but I admit. I don't understand. Whatsoever. I'm trying though, but you don't earn points for life. (chad?!) 

I do not understand how you can complain and vent every time you open your mouth, and think it is wrong when others criticize after you. Ridiculous. 

It amazes me how blind some people can be to their surroundings, or actions for that matter. I know from experience, it took three friends and my mother to finally convince me I was disregarding many in my selfish attempts to be alone with a single person. Shocked, I remember being, at how oblivious I was being to my friend's feelings and sad that more of them didn't come to me sooner.  

From that point on, I have tried not to be a negative nancy about the criticism I receive from the people who are close to me. They are usually right. It's good every once in a while, to sit your pride onto the loser-bench and just humble down. Everyone needs to admit they were wrong once in a while. How else will you learn?